Like dressed hair nails etc for dances. Is he really going to his parents house? Our self esteem is 0!! When he returned he agreed to go to marriage counseling. To use social login you have to agree with the storage and handling of your data by this website. Not 2 weeks after she left she told me she has to learn to love herself get things good with the kids then we can work on us. She kept calling me perfect for never putting a foot wrong and seemed to twist that to be a negative. You might have understandable reasons to be mentally composing your packing list. He gives away our clothes and the kids toys while i am at work, saying that we have to much. I swear up and down that I wont go back with her but I know that her not taking her meds had a lot to do with us separating. I have not name called him once during the whole 6 weeks it took him to leave. I dont think he is as he has a very close relationship with his family. They might cry a lot more often unexpectedly. His health issues are not serious. First of all,thank you for sharing your story. My wife started suffering from post partem depression around his first birthday and I have been watching her slowly recede into herself over the last 9 months. Dont be a victim . I am lost. "I don't like your hair that way." "You shouldn't have . This is going to be GREAT. My case is not the only abuse of this restraining order trick. Hi E said tonight for the first time ever that he doesnt love me. My girlfriend of 5 years and mother of my child seems to have just done the very same thing to me. Hi my name is Matt. You can find online communities everywhere. Always go with your gut instinct and protect yourself until you feel safe again. DEAR ABBY: I live with my longtime boyfriend, "George," and his 88-year-old father, "Frank." Frank is not your average 88-year-old. And I am 129 lbs 5-4, & socially bi resulting from his pillow talk request, so he has had many fantasies come true. I begged her to stay and to come to couples counselling which she refused, telling me to go to counsell on my own I dont believe in god but I sure hope in karma. My husband left me on 10-14-15, after 2years of being married says he found the person he had been looking for since he been in Florida, what I dont understand is why marry someone if you were looking for someone else??? I had two children who needs to complete their dreams. Needless to say that this same man left and is livng with someone else (who I believe is his ex). She said that she is tired of faking it. I have no ideas that will provide you comfort. She manipulated the men that followed her to gas station. Trust and believe Carma is on its way. They may have unmet . If there is another woman hes talking to you probably want to know that sooner than later so dont be afraid to confront him on it. What determines a family in 2019? She misses her girls and she feels her siblings and their partners treat her and look at her differently. I miss him badly. Part of me wants to just move on and forget that any of this ever happened. This is making me absolutely sick. He acts like nothing is wrong, asks me to go hang with them etc. And they spoke to their daughter over phone. Or did you make a massive mistake that ended a wonderful relationship for good? According to Han, finding that connection in family and friends quickly can be very important, especially if children are involved. I am drowning in my grief. I have no respect. Tha t is my hope and prayer. I have to live at home with my parents to get rid of all the debt I incurred through the attorney fees and EVERY bill being in my name while married. Dont screw yourself. He had been having an emotional connection with her for 3 years. I feel like reason 3 and 5 go so hand in hand, which is what I did in my marriage I couldnt stand the emotional abuse anymore. I lost 11 lbs in less than 2 weeks. I give everything to her. I dont get how someone can break up their family without trying to work on the marriage. Look at the research its madness what people are ending marriages for .The problem is you are supposed to be a team function as a team nothing else or anyone else matters . He works out of town so at the moment 2 weeks on 1 week home it was his first time to that site and it was coming to the end of the 2 weeks one day he was telling me couldnt wait to come home and see me he missed me so much couldnt live without me, very next day found out he was leaving me for another girl that he works with and was just cold cold cold. The first reaction is to blame blame blame. I havent slept in 3 days and eating is very minimal. We did renovations at her cottage from laying new floors to painting and installing a new wood stove. The police were here due to a fight and they said he didnt have to leave early unless he chose to . All the sudden a the end of the 30 days, he wanted to come home and go to counseling. If you have to question them or yourself 9 times out of 10 there is a good reason for this. A week goes by and I join her for another visit for 11 days. "We are outside, and it's important.". I then made the mistake of writing down what had happened to me when I was a child (I had, over the years, told my wife all of this this was my first time ever writing it down) and from completely out of the blue my wifes response was to say that she knows Im in pain over all of this but that she no longer loves me, and that she wants a divorce, and that she does not see us ever getting back together. The answer is how can we make you happy and ease your feelings. SHOW ME YOU STILL LOVE ME. It took some comments by others, even his own family to see how much I compensated and accommodated. Despite the length of a relationship, each partner must be committed to doing their share of the work, and communicating their own needs. I just cant understand. We have a son who is just under 2 and was born 10 weeks early. We lost our connection several years before I left. Grass is not always greener and a lot of times they are then in a new relatioship only to wakeup one day and find they feel exactly the same as they did in the previous relationship .Talk to each other sort problems out no one is perfect dont badmouth the other person . And i did love her very much at the time, thinking that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her as well. The only items I had were a bag of clothes and a computer. He only saw our daughter twice a month.. Then after our son he asks me to come back I go back and hes still trctong her the night I moved back in so the very next morning with my 1 week old baby and my toddler I pack up and move out again. I was lonely for a friend, a companion, a co-pilot and a lover to share the rest of my life with. Before he left, things were really rocky and we were fighting constantly, but we tried so hard to work things out. The correct answer is not to say I dont want to be around someone miserable. Leave them alone. Not only for our child but because I love her deeply. He doesnt pay his child support of 17 dollars a week, yet shows up at house with brand new shoes on his feet and new clothes on his body. I understand. On a recent vacation she screamed at a elderly relative proclaiming them evil for drinking a glass of wine. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. Funny thing, I didnt know it! We have gone through alot in our marriage to include a long custody battle with my ex and having financial trouble years ago, as a result. my husband and I been together since August of 2011 off and on and but we got married in 2014 but at one point we were broken up for a few months before we got back together, we both were seeing other people, and I told him about it when he asked before we got back together but the people text were still on my old phone and he saw it and just decided to end us I dont understand how he can do this after we told each other that we talked to other people when we werent together, like its so messed up because hes been cheated on me almost our whole relationship idk what to do I love him and I want us to work but the fact that his mad about somethings that happened when we werent together is messed up and Im just supposed to be okay with everything hes done me none of this makes sense, Im really hurt and I dont know what to do with myself :'(. We even looked at engagement rings. I am still learning the scope of the damage that was done to me. I feel horrible for all of us. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. The simple text messages that said I love you or I miss you meant so much. I wanted to make him happy so, i said i would move to where his family lived so, we would have family and we were supposed to have a better life. I hope youre doing OK. Did you ever get a reason? She was a part of his life in the past but my kids and I are his present and future. Im so sorry to read this (and other) stories. They often feel offended by what they perceive as a general insensitivity to their "needs." As a result, they're . I was very scared and nervous . I was just so stunned, this lady used to have an actual heart, now I dont know what to make of it all I am so confused. This of course leaves the other partner blindsided and shocked. If not dealt with correctly, these problems can shift into infidelity and disconnectedness. me and he had promised he would love me forever. I was paralyzed, I couldnt stop thing about her about us about him about our kids about the hell they were living in. If he was the man for me he wouldnt of left me. I got his phone and looked for her name. I dont owe you anything. He often jokes about leaving his wife. no good reason and that hes been thinking about it for a year! They are in love apparently and plan on living together and getting married down the road. My take, my experience, the one who cheated and left wasnt as committed I found out last Friday (after him denying it over and over) that he is having an affair. Just focus on those kids and how you can better yourself for them and you. I do love my husband. (Poetic) Most importantly very little if no bias. I know he broke your heart and betrayed every single romantic connection you ever had together, but that doesnt mean he cant change. Just before our 26th wedding anniversary my wife told me she no longer wanted to be in a relationship. He just kept saying it was his problem. He decided this life, our life, wasnt for him.. From the most loving caring individual I have ever known to this cold hateful selfish person I could have ever imagined. She had no ex or children and is at the age where perhaps she thought she was going to be left on the shelf. As I said I honestly never intended this and I also didnt realize she was hurt as she tends to respond emotionally to most things You want to be loved? This is often the most painful reason for a leaving, but it's also sometimes the easiest to accept. And be careful the dog isn't simply responding to the reactions of other people in the home. For example, its typically easier to digest the idea that you and your partner grew apart than it is to consider the possibility that he or she fell out of love with you. I am so heartbroken but the more I plead a nd get mad, and for fight for our marriage, the more he rejects me and doesnt even want to talk. Congrats!! I have been on his plan for 21 years. The sudden realization sets in: my husband left me. This podcast explores all things love and relationships. Get on yur knees & Let him fight your battles. While I understand we didnt have the perfect marriage and living situations, I never saw this coming. I have worked my butt off to be well. I certainly wouldnt feel the need to reply with a comment if someone suggested to see a Rabbi BECAUSE IT DOESNT APPLY TO ME. We made each other laugh every day, we goofed off an had fun. We have kids high school age. Very true . She has always suffered from mental health issues and I have been there for her come hell or high water. What You Need to Know When Your Partner Leaves. But as soon as the girls are home. How can I be so blind. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. You still see her when you see your children, so you can still try. Spousal abandonment, when one person leaves without warning, doesnt mean youre doomed to live in a perpetual state of bewilderment and grief. To the spouse who wants out . How can we say such things to each other, and then she goes away with him? Because he was drinking. I am dealing with being invited to his brothers for thanksgiving. Then the answer is simple she wasnt the one for me and it got me thinking how bad of a person she was to me . She will not put in any effort whatsoever and couldnt imagine being the same family we pretended to be all week on the weekend. It hit me like a ton of bricks. He said he wanted his life back (by that he means his happy care free go out every weekend life. My prayers are for you but know that the pain will subside with time. Keep your mouth closed at all times. My wife of 14 total, 11 married just is done. I just served him with divorce papers yesterday. She told me she had more energy than everyone in her family and felt like she was waisting away. I am dealing with the reality that Ill see my son a lot less. Hi Katelyn. Her loss. How are things going now? everyday i see her in college she will be busy with someother boys so kindly assist me, how to move on without her. I am devastated we have 3 children and one doing his GCSEs I am a mess my daughter keeps questioning me and Im trying to hold it together but Im in so much pain and I cant imagine my life without him After all I did to keep our little family together he walked out on us. My issue is that once she wants to leave (imminent), he dosent reciprocate and then she comes back what do I do? Have you thought about maybe having the teacher of your oldest daughter call DYFS? I was devastated. After my heart attack I found out she was talking to an ex boyfriend, having an emotional affair. I have never felt so betrayed in my life and never would of thought I would become a statistic. However while she was visiting her family her step uncle came to town, I was not there but the day he arrived she turned cold. I felt we became room mates and no longer husband and wife. Certain stresses have even been alleviated. She was slurring her speech and dragging her shoulder on the wallls in front of our kids from the beginning of all of this. My parents passed last year, her mother has been on her death bed and abusive to my wife as she takes care of her. I do, and I dont. College educated with jobs. That happened to a friend of mine and he a lot of her settlement and then spent it and then got divorced and she couldnt get it back. Here Are 5 Reasons Why Your Husband Refuses To End Your Unhappy Marriage, Even If You're Both Miserable. Be we can do it. Now that I have the courage and confidence to speak out about my story I want to inspire others through Mint Movement, a community for single parents. She was doctor shopping for pills. I was so glad to finally have someone to love my first and only love that I stopped my destructive behaviours and together we were the quintessential happy young couple we were never great at sex, but for all other aspects of marriage even communication, we were as happy as good be. Very true unfortunately people have no gratitude and are not satisfied with what they have only look at what they dont, Grass always greener on the other side and want what others have got even if that destroys there own lives or someone elses. WHY??? I feel blessed every day just to have what I have, even in this situation at least I have two beautiful kids. I found this searching for some advice. .. Its just awful. Its so hard because I love him and I am trying my best to keep my family together. Let go of the past and move on with your life! Heal your ego and your heart first, and then see where you stand with your emotions. after 45 years i gave into Separation in 2012, and he insisted on A Divorce and and started on in Sept 2012 which was bitter and financially. He also sleeps in another room if I pursue him or attempt to resolve anything or he leaves the house. A year ago I found out he had cheated on me and me wanting to be a good wife and loving him with all I am I took him back and worked on what he said made him do it. Personal interview. And thats not good because he wont want to be with anyone who cant keep her self-respect. My wife had insisted on getting a new house before we were ready. Please. A lot of times people will stay in an unhappy relationship until they meet someone new that gives them motivation to finally leave. He was the greatest dad, he still sees the kids but maybe once a week. Next thing I knew, he was upstairs in our house while I was downstairs. Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Gender disparity in the rate of partner abandonment in patients with serious medical illness. After breakups, we are known to cut our hair, move to another state and make quick decisions based on a temporary emotional feeling, she notes. I dont know what to do. He is indicating you have all the power over his life. If you are not than this is a problem that needs solved, as I am sure you would be right at his side if roles were reversved. Not sure I have the strength to recover.. I learned all this by looking through texts on my daughters phone. He hasnt seen his children since he left,my daughter that is 22 wants nothing to do with him,she really wants to kick his butt.im having a hard time dealing with this, I cant believe he could do this to us he was a wonderful father and husband what makes a man do this? He went to his family home and left me alone ignoring all my phone calls and messages.. last Saturday I took the decision I will go there to him. I can only shiver is sheer horror at what might become should something happen to her parents and they cannot help her mom picks up 1 child and drops off both normally (to/from school). When I first found out he said he would never leave me but now she has said she cant live undercover. By left me I mean that she asked me to leave. He is making me take all my things, after 2 years married, 3 together. Take a step back look in the mirror .If you have everything but see nothing where does the problem lie. We all do. So from experience, I know how emotionally tolling that is on your wife. He is a good man and he does try his best but I can just not find to love him like a lover bit rather as a friend. Please u did not say anything concerning my case, am in Cameroon, and we have less of such facilities like therapist on psychological or marital issues. Have evidence that he was cheating on me with my business partner /emotional affair? She sounds like shes crazy now. Dated on and off for 30y., 2 scholar-athlete teens, 4 college degrees between us, 3 solid careers and a nearly paid off house, and four years of kids college pre paid. Things werent perfect between us for about a year, but after Christmas, I thought things had been going ok. We applied for a mortgage and it was in those weeks waiting for approval that he made the decision to leave, in early February 2017. I must stay strong this time and never speak to her again. Do not communicate with him as he will only confuse and hurt you more! Let go of the self-blame. We started dating young and it was really a fairytale relationship. I have been divorced for 9 months. Or he /she is crazy!!! My husband went away on a trip with a friend and came back depressed and unhappy with his life. He will go the same thing to someone else- no worries. Its about being happy and greatful for what you have not what you dont getting frustrated because you cant get your own way and wanting to destroy the other person who at one time you were supposed to love . You worry about getting your head right, and moving on. Set up a lot of reasons why and decided that for insurance purposes, it would be best to wait until my youngest turned 18. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, http://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. It feels like I have been blind sided, she didnt even give us a try to work it out. They would go to the same school dances. He even deposited the 1st alimony early and as a (unrequested by me) convenience, closed my checking account and mailed a check to myour house to save me a trip to the bank! I had to get my own account because he kept taking huge amounts of money out of our joint account without even saying anything about it or what it was for. Their best advice was for me to just get pregnant., My husband left me after going into a depression. it will come . Dick Masterson speaks the TRUTH. Ok, I believe you and I want to say how sorry I am for your experiences. We are both in our 50s. No way! Well the next week she filed a pfa against me to leverage her getting the kids half time and support paying child support. With only being a year apart. I thought it was just a phase and didnt think anything of it until I found a phone number of a girl in his wallet. 32 years we have did everything together and it dont feel right being alone. This can get in the way of true emotional intimacy and feel . Really sounds like he is the one that will be missing out, just find yourself again. You seem quite smart and extremely able to do this. Im paralyzed and just dont know where to begin? She claims to have been feeling this way for a year, but what hurts is that she not only didnt tell me, but she has used all 5 of those reasons listed. I just dont know if I should let her go and TRY to move on or keep fighting for her. 3. Ive been there and now Im free from his affairs. Different goals, interests and even more suprising is her personality and character. Nothing showed. this time it was litteraly out of nowhere nobody seen it coming and on his days off which were just this week he flew to where she lives in calgary (we live in BC) to spend days off with her. Maybee we can find a way to keep in contact if youd like to talk more. Followed by admitting adultery in a surprising amount of detail (think she was proud). Like said I get it, HIS fav team stuff all over drinking glasses and mugs. I wish you all the best finding the new you and someone who loves you for who you really are!! Write to Family Life, The Guardian . I had a thousand questions, but they all boiled down to "why?" So he had plenty of time to do what he wanted to do. I said yes and by the way I filed for divorce. I am confused. I asked her, without being overbearing or pushy a couple of times what was wrong and if I could do anything to help, and she assured me everything was fine, she just found this time of year hard. And now the most important step you can take in your journey to get over your husband: I know its hard, but you have to realize that it might be over between the two of you. I think if you Google about them you will also see so many similar traits in the comments (such as yours ) come to light. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search. Jesus did not ever condone abusive behavior but he also didnt give you a right to judge your partner in a mental or physical illiness. He says he will still help me, do anything for me but we are friends not lovers which is true. He said there was no one else and now he is back in his country parading around with someone else whom I have heard he plans to marry. . Does he love her more then me? Cleaned up cooked her and the kids dinner and then put them to bed. Well, back story. I finally waited by the locker and he finally came to the locker 4 hours. ..I thought it was the alcohol but hes not drank now for 3wks and hes gotten worse! But really, act like your all shocked and surprised? So it wasnt long after that he became violent. The trust we had is gone. We spoke a lot he told me he had met someone else but it meant nothing to him apparently. If you do a search on the topic you will find that studies are revealing an epidemic of infidelity right now. Its a long story between my ex and I, but basically he just left me one day because I wouldnt give him 20 dollars for gas, because I didnt have it, and I wouldnt let him use my car because I only had enough gas to get back and forth to work and didnt have any more money to put in my tank because I paid the bills, I dont know where his money went. We have been married for 4 years and together for 7. I just want to leave and not hurt him to bad. The only thing that changed was he was now having to pay for his own health insurance. I will have to let go and I cant see her changing given my history. An arm lengths away at all times when in the same room which is about 5-10% of the time, the rest she spends in her bathroom doing lord knows what. He did, yet he got everything he wanted. Im not sure where that fell short, like I said maybe its because I didnt fluff his feathers every minute, telling him how wonderful he was every minute of every day. Ghosting doesnt always mean the offending party is being intentional. Go out with my friends. Two still reside with us. I work everyday to get stronger and grateful for what I do have, but the hurt is unbearable.Why didnt he just tell me he found someone else and wanted a divorce?? Im a good person, loving, caring, giving and trustworthy. Anyone in a marriage affected by depression will benefit from the support of a counselor also. Still I feel compelled to tell you that I understand. No body cared because he said things that were not true, every time I tried to go to a hearing they would cancel it, finally after 4 months they dropped. But I am steadily going forward. Love yourself first before you love others. And the house. That discovery changed my fragile mind even more it made my psychically ill and my immediate thought was that I had caused so much angst with this lovely woman that she changed her values and that that PAIN is what really kills me. The long and short of my story is that I came home from work last night to find my girlfriend of almost 2 years and 8 months living together with her bags packed and a car outside with her mums friend waiting. He wanted to book a holiday for me and my daughter( not his child bit they have become so close she shes him and loves him like s dad) and stay in the house with us pretend everything was fine and tell my daughter before we went away that we were splitting up and he would be gone when we got back,!! You know in your heart this is totally unacceptable behavior. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. I am hurt in the worst way.I want us to be together soo badly.I dont know what to do.My pain is to much to handle. They will never know how grateful I am. we just chose our own path & wonder why 2 sinners cant make it together. I just want to know what people think, and if anything would help. If you feel lost and hurt by this vast life turmoil, you have come to the right place for help. I hate to be blunt, but to me it sounds like she likes the best of both worlds. Wow, that sucks.feel terrible that you have to go through that especially when youve been so patient with all of her disabilities. He is the one who took the initiative to walk out the door because he thought he was unhappy within our marriage. But, it seems like that is when he is most truthful and that he is just waiting for our 13 year to grow up so that he can feel better about divorcing me.